Returning to Ashtanga - a journal

When I mentioned in a post this week that I had started practicing Ashtanga  again a friend commented that they too had been coming back to Ashtanga off and on over the last two years.

It struck me that there are probably a lot of practitioners coming back to the practice or considering it and that it might be worth journaling 'how it goes'.

Firstly, I wasn't expecting to come back to the practice, I thought I had washed my hands on Ashtanga a year ago, see this post -"There's probably still an Ashtangi in me somewhere but...." from May 2018, plus I was enjoying other approaches to practice.

Ironically, I had been posting, on Instagram, videos of full on Ashtanga transitions and contrasting them with gentle movements transitioning form forward to back spinal flexion. The focus of course was intended to be on the gentle movements but I found myself quite nostalgic for the time when I was working on those crazy Ashtanga transitions ( none of which are of course necessary in ashtanga, a gentle step back from and step to an asana being completely sufficient). I didn't miss the actual transitions I was showing but rather the time when I was so focussed on my daily Ashtanga practice, that commitment and focus.

It didn't come out of the blue. After being so disappointed with much of the Ashtanga community in their response to the breaking story of Pattabhi Jois' abuse and, frankly, anger at what had taken place and especially how so many had looked the other way, excused and basically enabled Jois' abuse at the time, I had wanted nothing to do with the practice. Even now, after all that we know about Jois' abuse, we still end up with photo's of the man turning up in our feeds on instagram and fb by those who still think that is appropriate to do so and not another violation.  However,  as time passed I found myself still rooting for friends and acquaintances and indeed complete strangers, who were working at their practice. I might have been frustrated at the community but couldn't fail to respect the sincerity and quiet commitment of daily practitioners.

A month or so ago I had posted on Krishnamachary's table of asana and how it was possible to reach back before Jois to a practice that was essentially the same but unbesmirched by Jois' grubby touch. I practiced it a few times but still found myself inclined to continue practicing Simon Borg-Olivier's Spinal movements, Ashtanga, even Krishnamacharya's Ashtanga felt somewhat of a backward step.

And then, one morning, Wednesday (day 2 below) it no longer seemed so much a backward step but rather that the explorations of other approaches to movement this last year may serve to better inform what has always been my practice

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Perhaps daily updates for the first week then weekly and monthly

And so I was surprised when on Tuesday, after twenty minutes or so of Simon's Spinal Movements, I started to run through the Ashtanga sequence, just as I remembered an old demonstration YouTube, no five breaths in asana but straight from one asana to the next ( as I said, a demonstration).

And then on Wednesday, after a ten minute Spinal Warm up I practiced full Primary but with less jump backs, between groups of asana rather than between sides, so a jump back after all the marichiyasana's, another after all the Janu Sirsasana variations etc.

I blogged

Thursday I practiced half primary/half second (up to Ustrasana - no pasasana)

Friday was the same as day three, Half primary/Half second but more jump backs, this time between asana rather than groups of asana. Fourth day is and always has been the killer for me, I always seem to feel the fourth day more than any other, my whole body ached, not in a bad way exactly but just the feeling that you had seemingly employed every muscle in your body, in some way, in the practice. I feel asleep in Savasana.

Saturday. Similar to day four, half primary/half second, jump backs between asana rather than sides. I expected to practice straight Primary beside M. on Saturdays but this week she was on her holiday. Sunday I work early so plan on taking Sundays as a rest day. Which makes this my first week, one day short of a full weeks practice. Not a bad idea, having a shorter week for the first week back. Feeling so exhausted for much of the day on the fourth day reminded me that it's still an intense practice and too be taken seriously, cautiously.

This was going to be my rest day as I have to work early. Woke up at 5am and couldn't get back to sleep. I felt stiff all over, aching back, hamstrings, shoulders. I tried some spinal movements but they didn't seem to help, I tried a couple of sun salutations and felt a little better, after the first creaking ones anyway. In the end I settled for a half primary easy on the hamstrings, bent knees etc.

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- If the last couple of days I had ached all over, this morning I woke up fresh, ache free and hardly able to wait to step onto my mat. So it goes.

- Practice continues to go well, no aches, flexibility is coming back, two kilo curiously dropped off in just over a week and I've had to tighten my belt to stop my trousers falling down. More importantly though, to mix my metaphors. I feel more anchored, grounded...., earthed, I hadn't realised how restless I had become this last year.

- This week seems to have been ten years or so since Jois passed away, some, including Certified teachers ( and indeed, whole Associations) who should know better, felt it was appropriate to post photos of Jois (which ended up on  my Instagram feed), with captions mentioning what a marvellous and beautiful man he was, healing even. Is it timely? Really?  It's not about you, step aside and yield the floor and actually listen to and hear the victims whose voices are finally being heard.

I posted this in response

Discernment is knowing when and when not to exercise our freedom of speech. I don’t understand why you would publicly mark Jois’ passing. Why not a private acknowledgement perhaps out of respect for those who have directly experienced Jois’ abuse and are finally being heard, as well as those who have spoken up in support, despite the verbal abuse they have received from the community. It does help me to understand how senior and authorised teachers, looked the other way, excused and ultimately enabled Jois abuse.

To the response, 



I would suggest that clearly you didn't know him either, or perhaps you did but didn't want to 

A year ago it was this response by the community that turned me away from my practice. Interestingly, a year later, I wrote the above then got on and did my practice. I seem to have managed to distance the practice from Jois and indeed from those in the Ashtanga community who 'like' and 'heart' such photos of Jois' (unfriend me, please). That said, I didn't want to risk it, took down my post and withdrew a little more from social media.

At this point I'm more concerned with protecting the rebuilding of my Sādhana and it's grounding physical aspect/element

And yet I feel the tide is turning.

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I'll continue to update this here for a while as well as on the page......













Ramaswami, I guess paraphrasing his teacher Krishnamacharya, puts asana practice in perspective nicely. Paraphrasing the three Gunas ( a useful model but a model all the same)...

Asana to reduce Rajas (agitation), Pranayama to reduce tamas (lethargy) leaving us in a more satvic (serenity) state.

- there are of course many translations of the three gunas - you could study Sanskrit of course... or just Sit more instead. Intellectual study is always it's own reward but I don't believe the study of Sanskrit or Indian Philosophy is required. Yoga, as one pointed contemplation of the self (or it's absence), is humanities birthright, it doesn't belong to India, we find it everywhere. Personally, I look to my own tradition, the Greeks. However long I were to study Indian philosophy i would never understand it as well as my own horizon I realised that listening to Ramaswami's Yoga Sutra lectures and how he would weave in songs and slokas with stories from his childhood, a vast tapestry of interconnections.

I asked Ramaswami once why we should practice early in the morning when we are perhaps at our least 'Rajistic' and most 'Satvic'. He seemed to suggest that it was just the best time to practice asana and it was more about reducing an accumulation of raja over time.

The idea then is to choose a practice that reduces our agitation, restlessness, that grounds us and basically just balances out these three mode of existence so we can start working towards equanimity, one pointedness and generally preparing ourselves for the application of that one pointedness which is where the yoga then comes in, an appropriate application of the one pointedness we have developed.

This is a householder practice. We are not expected to practice actual Yoga now, but rather after our householder duties are complete, when we are then free to retire to the (metaphorical) forest for contemplation.

Our practice now then, assuming we are not intending to become a Monk or Nun,  is to help us to live a more grounded, balanced, life, to carry out our (householder) duties with discernment and to prepare ourselves for the future, the third stage of life, to work now on our discipline, equanimity, non attachment for that time to come.

The question then is not, does Ashtanga vinyasa yoga work to achieve yoga (of course it doesn't it's just making shapes and breathing exercises) but does it help prepare us while helping us to live a more discerning life.

Clearly I feel this approach to practice helps give me that discipline and balance/stability.